Kisses are weird. (10 fun facts)
I’m BACK! (I promise to try my hardest to make my posts not suck anymore).
I would like to know who the first person was that decided that it would be a cool thing to do to put their mouth on someone else’s mouth to show them affection. I bet the first person that ever got kissed was pretty freaked out. I have had some kisses that have really weirded me out.
If I had to pick one topic that I felt I knew the most and felt proficient about, it would be kissing. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not promiscuous but I am a hopeless romantic. However, this is not going to turn into a mushy blog post because everyone hates those. I am simply going to state facts about what I have learned about kissing in the six years that I have been practicing.
1. Your first kiss will be unforgettable (one way or another).
For example, mine was freshman year of high school with my 6’8″ tall boyfriend in the back of the basketball bus on the way home from a game. I will spare you the details but you can just google pictures of mother birds feeding baby birds if you want to get the jist of what I experienced.
2. Multiple people will tell you that you’re a good kisser if you actually are.
If you have to ask people if you’re a good kisser or if no one has just told you in the moment then chances are you are not. Fear not, there is still time for you.
3. Just because someone is extremely handsome, successful, or social it does not automatically make them a good kisser.
Everyone that comes into contact with these people will love them, except for the person that is going to have to endure making out with them at the end of the night. Do not be fooled by these imposters.
4. There is such a thing as kissing compatability.
You will kiss better with some people than with others and that’s a fact. Some people will just kiss you the way you want to be kissed and some will mawl your face like a hungry bear.
5. Lipstick + Kissing = Embarrassment
The date is going great. He is so romantic and leads you out to a lit gazebo overlooking a garden. He leans in for a kiss and it’s magical. You continue to kiss for a bit of time and then he walks you up to your doorstep. You feel awesome about how tonight went until you realize BOTH OF YOUR FACES LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE CLOWN MAKEUP ALL OVER THEM. Good going, girlfriend.
6.The worst kisses come in unpleasant places.
Guys, please do not grab random girls at parties and start making out with them. That’s just embarrassing for everyone. Contrary to popular belief, it is not every little girl’s dream to be kissed by a drunk guy in a garage.
7. Kissing can be a real disappointment.
That secret crush that you’ve had since you were a freshman in high school finally kisses you! It was honestly one of the worst kisses you have ever experienced and you think, “I have wasted six years of my life thinking about THAT?! I should have just stuck with Ryan Gosling”.
8. Giggling while or directly after kissing someone will make any person paranoid.
It can be the most secure kisser in the world, if you laugh after kissing them they will turn into a pink bubblegum lipgloss wearing, backstreet boy listening, sixth grade little girl. They will repeatedly ask you, “WHAT?! WHY DID YOU LAUGH?! DO YOU THINK I KISS WEIRD?!” until you give them a reasonable explanation for your giggle.
9. Kissing is best when you can have fun together.
If you are worried about what the other person is thinking about you the whole time you won’t enjoy yourself or the kiss. So laugh about how the other person is so awkward when you kiss them on the couch because they can’t stop moving around , leg wrestle them until you’re tired and then actually have some fun kissing.
10. After seven years of kissing, I finally had a first kiss that made me dizzy.
If you’ve stuck with me and read the whole post, I love you and remind me to kiss you next time I see you.